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an essay by Jill Brown (Adult School Girl at Muir Academy)
On a recent Saturday day class I attended, Miss Prim was teaching the definition of the following words:
I think you'll agree some of them are really quite difficult! Still, no rest for the wicked, or even the ever so slightly naughty.
After we all had definitions for the words, Miss Prim asked us to write an essay which include all these words, with the correct meaning. This is the essay I wrote!
The weekend had finally arrived as the Muir pupils tramped out of Friday evening chapel, supplications over and having listened to the Reverend Green pontificate on morality and the expiation of sin for over an hour! The school was affiliated with a local church and the Reverend was "a nice chap but he could go on a bit", to quote Jill Brown, Captain of the Hockey team. With such an exciting weekend ahead of them, today's sermon had been somewhat frustrating to the pupils' plans.
Back in the common room, Andy H was asked to explicate the plans for the first Muir Rocket Ship. "But don't expatiate," interjected Andrew Robertson, Head Boy. Sadly lacking a drum roll for such an ambitious scheme, Andy nonetheless began to enunciate the plan.
"It's all built", he explained, "We bunked off double Latin and sneaked into a metalwork shop class at the Comprehensive". Something about the way he said this intimated there was more to it than that, but he continued before anyone might postulate that some sort of propiation had occured. Andy continued, "We just need some fuel."
"We could steal some diesel from the school mini bus", Richard suggested. "Petrol from the caretaker's lawnmower", Belynda advocated. Everyone agreed with Belynda and Toby was delegated to acquire the petrol whilst the others carefully manipulated the rocket down the rear staircase out to the sports field. Belynda poured in the fuel, then together they initiated the countdown sequence!
"10", "9", "8", "7", "6", they all chanted, "5", "4", "3", "2", "1!". Sabrina stepped forward with a lighter and lit the touch paper. The rocket trembled and smoked and roared and they could all feel a tremendous heat begin to emanate from it.
Meanwhile in the Headmistress's study, Miss. Prim and Mr. Prendergast were enjoying a small sherry before dinner. Suddenly there was an enormous "KABOOM!" sound. The room shook and the window was irradiated with a bright yellow flash. "What on earth was that?", thundered Mr. Prendergast. "I'm going to get the other masters and we'll investigate.
"Yes, instigate that at once", said a rather shocked Miss Prim, as she rang for a glass of water.
Predictably, before the hour was out the miscreants were in Miss Prim's office, vainly trying to extenuate that they were merely commemorating the Moon Landing. "What were you thinking of?", Miss Prim asked as she lined the up culprits up for a swishing. "You've smashed half the windows in the village. They're threatening to litigate!"
NB: This is a work of fiction, Muir Academy is not associated with any church, no religious lessons are taught and the teachers do not drink sherry before whacking pupils!
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